Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression


Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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People told me not to call myself a ‘victim’ after my rape. Here’s why I refused.

Espiritu en Fuego/A Fiery Spirit

My experience somewhat mirrors this woman’s. The onus is on the rape victim or survivor to immediately snap back and be whole. My rapist like her rapist will never be caught or punished but I will forever be judged.

Women who go through rape are expected to be shining examples of strength and fortitude. Nobody wants to to hear about the PTSD, Insomnia, nightmares, inability to form lasting relationships, repeated hospitalizations for depression and various mental ailments.

People only want the Happy Stories. Happy Endings. They walk away and reject you as Failure to Thrive in the face of adversity.

That’s why I stopped telling my story. For in the retelling I’m labeled a failure. Null and void.

However I ask that you read this Woman’s story of how rape can or does define your life. Her words resonate with me. She says what I’m unable to say.

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Rethinking Life

our bodies
belong to
not to
the government
not to
the state
not to
the country
not to
our bodies
are not goods to be
sold, traded, or owned

women are
living, breathing
human beings
and we belong to
no one
but ourselves
NO laws
can hold us
or control us
we are not
women are
free to live
our own lives
our own way
free to make our own
without input from men
men do not
own us
rule us or
have a say
in what we do
women are not
we are
who get to
decide what
to us

who doesn’t
“get this”
can fuck off

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Murder Tramp Birthday


You are a rare child, my doctor says
and pinches the sensitive skin above my vulva
a walking swarm,
a lukewarm disaster,
a pair of
bloated cherry-coated lips
and tongue swollen from digesting prey

I grab a stud gun and nail him to the wall,
like a flying squirrel caught in a jump
Next day, he buries me carefully in his garden
I eat dirt and laugh,
making a home of my grave
I know, I know – you could never have foreseen
that even dormant and pretend-dead
I’d be twice your potency

But as sure as I’ll never forget
the wrong you’ve done me,
what’s more important is
you’ll never forget me,
and will never find me in another place.
This, I promise.

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Patricia J Grace

photo by Patricia

Such high expectations every day, and when not met the lapses are dreamt of in the night. Better to lick my lips in success than to fail. So pick up the pieces of failure and do better today.

My expectations are not too high. You can do this. You can care for your-self as if you matter and after a while you will feel it… not just try to.

Still residing is a wall between connecting with my body and feeling its workings, a frozenness. When thawed there is wholeness, but then the next moment not. The work continues; to remain open to all feelings, not run from them by icing, an unconscious response.

You will get there, and much has occurred to be present and feel safe. As one safe moment on top of another mounts, the risk taken to be here now seems worth it…

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Crow Friday Poem: Speaking or Not

Crow On The Wire

hand.jpgI listen first.

I speak out
when I’m ready.

I won’t be forced
to talk
against my will
or take advice
from a person 
who really doesn’t know.

I will talk
in my own voice,
in due time,
by my actions
or inactions,
just with my eyes
or with my hands,

whether with words
or a furrowed brow,
a nod of the head,
chest bumps or fist pumps,
smiles with a thumbs-up sign.

I know
that speaking or not speaking
is my choice.

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5 Ways You Can Uplift Your Sister

I know you may have a lot going on right now.

You are trying to get your life in order and it feels like you are carrying the world on your back.

Honey you are not alone.

No matter how hard you work, you will never be able to maximize your full potential until you lift your sisters up. Most of us fail to realize how much we actually need each other. Success is achieved when women come together.

Imagine how much we can achieve if we all encourage and support each other to reach our full potential.

I know some of you may not know where to start so I came up with 5 ways that you can uplift your sister.

  1. Support: The best way to show someone that you care is by being there for them and supporting their dreams. If your friend has a performance you should be there sitting front row. If…

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Special Call for Submissions: Exploitation of Women

Whisper and the Roar


The Whisper and the Roar Collective is seeking submissions for an upcoming series on the global exploitation of women. We are accepting poetry, prose, fiction, personal narratives, and essays on these topics from around the globe. We are looking for writing that makes us feel, makes us think, that moves us. 

April 15th– April 21st                 Domestic Violence

April 22nd – April 28th              Sexual Exploitation 

April 29- May 5th                         Female Infanticide

May 6th– May 12th                       Rape

May 13th– May 19th                 Acid Attacks

May 20th– May 26th                 Child Marriage

To Submit:

  • Send up to 3 pieces of original writing in either PDF or Word…

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