Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of GiftsandDec.com)

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression

RC8

Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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Sometimes Sorrow Skips Across the Horizon, a poem

Sumyanna Writes

Darksky (3)
The words withered away today
long, heartfelt pauses stroked against my thoughts
it was a combination, of not wanting to feel and feeling too much
and I drunk in the darkness of obsolescence.
My eyes could not conjure fairy tales from cotton candy clouds
instead, my heart was lost in the recesses of graying clouds against the landscape.
It was heavy, this load I begged to carry, or perhaps it begged to carry me through.
My bones ached, my legs were bent and my song refused to carry a tune
but fortunately, it is not always like this – for often my eyes are willing to see
the glory of a rising sun, perfectly brushed in soothing hues
I can hear the wind dance across the boughs of trees, shaking newly grown leaves
I listen to their dance as well as the looming stretch of summer rains across the horizon

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A Tree

Lonely Blue Boy

large

I am like a tree that grows upwards and downwards both at once. I am a being that needs both the power of destruction and healing. It’s no surprise that I feel like I’m getting better and getting worse both at the same time. It’s a shitty feeling. To have this desire to kill myself only to realize that it’s only through the process of growing towards the fear, towards the storm up above me that I could surpass the anxiety of being alone, of being afraid that I’m heading nowhere in life. And just like any other tree in this world—I’ll just keep on growing.

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Be Bold

the creative life in between

Pink Rosebuds Watercolor 5x7 140 lb Cold Press Saunders Pink Rosebuds Watercolor 5×7 140 lb Cold Press Saunders

Be Bold.

Be bold…
in doing what you love,
in doing what feels good,
in doing what makes you happy.

Be bold…
in making your own kind of beauty,
in being your own kind of beauty,
in seeing the beauty in others.

Be Bold!
Be You!

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

Quick, loose painting done on Saunders 140lb cold press watercolor paper using Daniel SmithRhodonite Genuine and Sap Green watercolor paint.

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Being Human

Eyes + Words

Written by Jacob Ibrag

‘I’m alive, I swear on my life.’ I’m

a lie, convincing the powers that be that I’ve

ascended my being human. I stand in the presence of

uncommon scents and dead accents. ‘I’m a human, being

larger than this paradigm. I’ve shifted focus on being

what you’ve always desired.’ I whisper stories and

once they let me in, I’ll enroll them.This is

my final act, ‘buy intothese words

and I’ll forever deliver.’


Photographer Unknown

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haunted

hands in the garden

haunting-3

it’s not an unseen breath that dusts your neck
nor the shadow in the corner

it’s the perfect moment you let slip
and the love that vanished through the door

it’s the creeping twilight threat
that plagues a restless mind,

the cold pillow in an empty bed
that whispers taunts of gentler times

©Anthony Gorman 2014

image: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/265149496788387841/

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Part 6 – Abuse

A little insight

Excuse me while I jump around my life.

Abuse. There are so many forms in which this can take place. There is verbal, mental, physical and sexual. There may or may not be more. But these are the ones I am going to focus on. Why? Because these are the ones I’ve experienced.

Where to start. Lets go to one of the more painful and confusing ones. Going back to a previous blog where I stated I was raped by my ex boyfriend (we will call him Ex 2). I didnt know at the time that you could be raped by someone you were dating. I didn’t know until I was telling my therapist a story and he asked me, “so he raped you?”. My immediate response was “no, we were dating” and then he explained to me that I was in fact raped. It took me a very long…

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I lost myself, a poem

Sumyanna Writes

night (2)


I lost myself
on the shores
of California
sank my feet
beneath her sands
and contemplated
the rippling image
of moonlight
across each crest of waves.
I sung along
with the undying heartbeat
of their rolling passage
to foreign shores.
I lost myself
near the shores
of Johnson creek
where the walking bridge
is draped in moonlight
and the sound
of frogs and crickets
sing a soft serenade
to the stars.
There, I walk in silence
and bask in the glow
of a thousand stars
contemplating the peace
within my heart
at these moments,
swept away
by water’s gentle trickle
or her falling crescendo
upon silent rocks and sands
I feel her gentle hum
strum away
at my heartstrings
I am swept…
I am swept away
by her beauty still
if only, in remembrance.

© Sumyanna 2017

Beautiful image courtesy of Pixabay.com

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Never retreat, never surrender. Never give up.

Cristian Mihai

image

We are not defined by our trials, but by how we face them. We are all afraid; bravery is a choice, that though you may lose, you shall never be defeated.” – Jill Anzinger

Imagine how your life would look like if you wouldn’t be afraid. How you’d act, talk, walk, pursue your dreams…

But fear exists; like a dark shadow, always waiting around the corner.

The thing is, fear is just an illusion. It’s a self imposed limit.

Fear can be faced and defeated.

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The Daily Prompt – Notorious!

Giggles & Tales

The buzz on Toxic Relationships cannot be exhausted because it is such a broad content. Toxicity comes in different forms. Violence in a relationship takes different shapes. There is need to look into our relationships with other people. My relationship, your relationship, our relationship with others, combine to impact in us and the society at large. And these have both positive and negative effects.

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