Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression


Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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Special Call for Submissions: Exploitation of Women

Whisper and the Roar


The Whisper and the Roar Collective is seeking submissions for an upcoming series on the global exploitation of women. We are accepting poetry, prose, fiction, personal narratives, and essays on these topics from around the globe. We are looking for writing that makes us feel, makes us think, that moves us. 

April 15th– April 21st                 Domestic Violence

April 22nd – April 28th              Sexual Exploitation 

April 29- May 5th                         Female Infanticide

May 6th– May 12th                       Rape

May 13th– May 19th                 Acid Attacks

May 20th– May 26th                 Child Marriage

To Submit:

  • Send up to 3 pieces of original writing in either PDF or Word…

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Errors and Forgiveness

Patricia J Grace

photo by Patricia

New paths, new ways of being, yet old haunts re-visit from time to time. It is unpleasant to experience ways of being from the past, where pain was my only friend. When the enemy was myself.

Every interaction brought doubt edging on the verge of paranoia. Did this person seem uninterested, indifferent, or in some other way emanating negative vibes because of me, or something I said or did?

These feelings loomed large, strong and constant, over every interaction. The load was very painful and a burden that needn’t have been carried at all. Though not completely free, there are moments when the cloud drops heavy and self-talk isn’t enough.   

To make a mistake caused such anguish that the pain doubled me over. Especially harsh on myself, it was my own flogging that brought the blood of remorse and the inability to forgive. To forgive my…

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Poesy plus Polemics

Survival “Survival” by Abe Weiner

the fight keeps the pain alive

hurting and living synonymous

suffering gives proof of life

wars of body and spirit waged

balls-to-the-wall without mercy

determined unwavering fearless

clenched fists steel-set jaw

gnashing teeth fury red in the eyes

ruthless weapons of weaponless

combat the courage entailing the

fight is what gives life its worth

at least that’s what I’ve come to

discover about my own truth

From my book Ephemera

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Samaritan Complex


(About Les)

You said
You came to SAVE me
T’was your Samaritan complex
The rain’s tapping on the window
A downfall of a million nails

my child sleeps
arms wrapped warm
And peacefully
Round me.
love not gushing
all emotion drained
the rain drop
hit my eye
heart is AWOL
Schrödinger’s cat
dark and devoid.
Yet mechanically sound
If found.

I don’t feel saved.
I don’t feel saved.

I don’t feel saved.
I don’t feel saved.

I feel
destroyed and hollow.
And all that cum I swallow -ed.
may become part of me
Says science
some DNA
stored in my brain.

Emotions you deployed
You played and toyed
When you saw fit
when you didn’t get your way
Ar titulated..
and shunned
Slurs on character
Stitched me up
So? you said
A needle pulling thread
made from
spun words
How absurd
People believe
So easily
Rotting tongue…

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