Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of GiftsandDec.com)

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression

RC8

Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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Quote #24

Chaotic Shapes

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You reading this, I want to let you know greater things are on the way.

There is no right or wrong. No one knows what the future holds for you. Your life is created by the hands in front of you.

If I gave you a drawing to color in. Would you carefully color in each piece or would you go out of the line and express what you really think.

Just because there are lines doesn’t mean you can’t color out of them.

You might enter the unknown, but the unknown is adventurous and infinite. Beautiful things can happen.

Don’t let anyone tell you that something you’re doing is wrong or correct.

The one who knows that answer is you. If it’s wrong, you will know it’s wrong. If it’s correct you will know it’s correct.

Create one of the most beautiful pictures you can while you’re here. Don’t…

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Share: “#metoo #mentoo”

420 ways to reach the sun

when i was 11, i learned to survive being “touched” by my cousin, who would later say he didn’t rmember doing so.

when i was 12, i told the first person i was touched. i didn’t yet know the word for it. she went and told everybody that i had made out with my cousin.

when i was 15, i got groped by a carpenter, and just moved on like nothing happened.

when i was 19, i was assaulted by my first boyfriend.

the same year, i was raped by a classmate. in response, my boyfriend told me it was my fault and i was unpure. many of my friends refused to believe it happened and he got away by saying that “she didn’t say no loud enough”. i was soon hospitalized in a mental ward.

three weeks ago i tried to kill myself after i was groped by an…

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Share: “I Choose to See Beauty”

Sumyanna Writes

SeeBeauty

I choose
to follow
the unbalanced beauty
of nature’s grace
to observe
the splendor
of opening fields of flowers
on an early summer’s morn.
It is not,
that in winter
the fields are not
filled with decay,
nor that pain
does not exist
when the finger, is pricked,
but my thoughts linger
upon all the delight
and beauty
that exists.
And when I dream,
I hope
that someday
the world’s beauty
shall overcome
her sorrow.

© Sumyanna 2017

Gorgeous image courtesy of Pixabay.com

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Share: “Survivor’s Lament”

Musings of a Millennial

They told her
run, run, run,
but not too fast,
you should
let them chase you.

They urge her to 
quiet, quiet, quiet,
tell no one of 
this battle.

She wanted to
go, go, go,
anywhere other than
where they were,
and to hold onto
her innocence.

All they do is
take, take, take,
everything from
the ones they catch.

But frozen she
stood, stood, stood,
her brain unable
to tell her lips.

She longed to
scream, scream, scream,
but she could not
find the words.

They looked at her and
laughed, laughed, laughed,
her lament providing
them with a sitcom’s
worth of humor.

Eventually they
lost, lost, lost,
interest in her
and walked away.

They left her there to
melt, melt, melt,
away with her memories
of her ordeal. 

She finally
screamed, screamed, screamed,
but she
knew, knew, knew,
that it was in
vain, vain, vain, 
because it was…

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Share: “Bruised and Baffled”

Blood Into Ink

tell me this, my sisters:

tell me how we sit

in solidarity

eyes dripping,

empath secretions

in unanimous dis-synchronous

agony.

tell me how we bond

in tissue passing intimacy,

strangers

shackled together

in chosen

discomfiting disclosures

as we were shackled

hands behind backs,

wrists to waists to ankles,

perpetually to our pasts.

tell me how we ache

in our bosoms,

young and pert

or old and wire-bound,

immersed

in each other’s despair,

concrete compendium

  • compelling –

as our nation’s

mandate to incarcerate.

tell me how we applaud

each signpost of survival

amen and hallelujah

symposium cum church chorus

stand in ovation

for humble attestations

to each sisters’

peril fraught journey.

tell me how we embrace

genuine and heartfelt fortitude

and challenge not

misogyny

in the house.

have we forgotten,

one and all,

Lorde’s caution on systemic change?

do we hammer away

at the masters’ chains

with his hot and hate…

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Share: “The Cruelest Abuse”

Patricia J Grace

Families are more interested in their reputation than the child sexually attacked. Be quiet and love your attacker.

To expect a child to swallow all that terrifying trauma and go on instead of intervening and assisting the child to process it causes life-long injury. At 64, my highly reactive startle reflex has not improved along with many other things. Some challenges increase as years pass. One does not ‘get over it,’ heal, or move on because no one came to help. All that trauma went inside causing more damage. The bleeding never stops.

Sexual attacks to a child are as horrific as being hit by a locomotive. In that case all come to help. She is allowed to talk about it as long as she needs to with incoming sympathy, compassion and condolences. Processing trauma helps heal the brain and all other systems. Without that processing the brain is injured…

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Share: “The Hell of Emotional Abuse”

winkingbees

Do not discount yourself. So many people compare themselves to others. They decide they aren’t in hell, exactly, because ‘someone else has it worse’… I say stop it. Stop. Yes, some people have it worse than you and some people don’t. That’s normal. But that does not mean you are not both experiencing a form of hell.

If you are in an emotional abusive relationship do not say, ‘at least I’m not being beat every day’. All that does is discount what you are going through. I promise you, I wished he would just hit me, just get it over with already. If I’d had a damn bruise I might have moved out sooner… but you see? I did have bruises, I had bruises on my soul. Just because someone doesn’t throw a fist into you does not mean that person is not abusive.

Do not discount the implied violence…

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Share: “We have no idea…”

Rethinking Life

who we are

what we are

where we came from

where we are going

why we’re here

what we’re supposed to do

what the universe is

what’s beyond what we think is out there

what IS out there

whether anything actually means anything

how much power we each has that is being kept from us

if we are simply a pocket dimension

if we’re real

if anything is real

why we ARE violence

what time is

what exists beyond time

where black holes lead

why entropy exists (not the scientific version, but WHY it’s here, not what it does because it’s here)

if peace is possible, or real

if we simply slide from one life into another and another, for eternity

if there is an eternity

what love is

why we refuse to cooperate

why we insist on destroying the planet and life in general

religion/cult exists to divide us

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