Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression


Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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Therapy Bits

she sits alone
and stares into space
thinking too much
her thoughts whirl
and she wonders
how long it will be
she can go
to eternity
its hard to sit
and hard to just breathe
she counts to 10
so slowly
breathing hurts
as does thinking
in fact everything just hurts right now

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PTSD – So much more than just flashbacks

A Journey Through The Snow

a diamond is merely a lump of coal
that did well under pressure” – Henry Kissinger

As a disclaimer, I want to begin this post by stating that although Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) consists of numerous symptoms that are experienced by a majority of sufferers, this account is, in no way, meant to mirror the experience of anyone but myself. Whatever the situation, whatever the diagnosis, we all live very unique lives and I would never attest to an ability to explain everyone’s’ exact experience. This is my account, and mine alone…

Having only recently realized that I suffer from PTSD I am constantly reminded of how much it affects my everyday life. To this day, I have no idea how I missed it. I know I generally downplay what has happened to me, throughout my life, but to have completely missed a diagnosis which I have an extensive level of understanding of is…

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This is Complex PTSD

Fighting for a Future

ptsd (1)

A mental health issue I’ve seen little talk about is complex post-traumatic stress disorder or C-PTSD. Often caused by a lifetime of trauma rather than one traumatic event, this type of PTSD is exactly what the name implies — complex.

My complex PTSD symptoms can take me from being a very logically-minded person capable of multitasking like a pro to a place where leftover emotions from past trauma assault my brain, leaving me crying and shell-shocked, struggling to remember basic things, like how to follow recipes, for days.

I am fine until it happens — a capable, competent, fully-functional adult… until I’m not. I hate PTSD. I get no say in what or who triggers my memories. I live in fear of the next time I’m reduced to a heap on the floor, pressing my head against the wall, holding my hands over my ears with my eyes squeezed tightly closed.

C-PTSD physically…

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Eyes + Words

Written by Jacob Ibrag

Grinding teeth. The anxiety

of waiting. Taking on its own persona, it

chews through your nerves and remaining bits of

patience. Laughing at your struggle to keep cool, it replays

each memory of failure. Whispering thoughts of disinformation.

Arguing. Trying to take a stand. Begging every fiber of your

being to push against its neck. Staring at a carbon

copy of yourself, ‘waiting on a blue sphere

in an ocean polluted with doubt.’

Photo by Sam Burriss

Over the years Eyes + Words has turned into a wonderful budding family of over fifteen thousand people across all platforms. It’s surreal and humbling to know that the art of poetry and story is alive and thriving. That being said, I hope that the creation of the Eyes + Words Writers Group serves as a vehicle and launch pad to help and support writers and the aspiring ones to keep…

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Gratitude: Those that have stood by me


It is that time of the year again where people eat quickly to then go shoppping late into the night in the hopes of scoring a great sale. I jest. Well, Not really. But, that is not what I am here to write about today.

I seriously want to just say thank you. I am the type of person who believes that we should say thank you everyday.  On any given day, someone will have helped you in some way. Maybe it is just a smile that lifts you up. Maybe its letting your car cut in.  Maybe its sharing a story from their lives that brings you closer.   There are a multitude of ways in which someone can do something that may help you even if it is a tiny bit. Everyday, there is soemthing for which to be thankful.

Just yesterday, I was listening to my Ipod when…

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