Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of GiftsandDec.com)

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression

RC8

Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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Asking For It

Heartstring Eulogies

“Before you point that accusatory finger
in my direction, remember this:
I never asked for it.”

The sun is setting and I feel the cold seeping into my bones. I feel the life bleeding out of my feet, leeching into the ground. And I stand here, breathing smoke into the sky. Because that’s all I have left to give — pieces of my broken spirit. And that’s all that remains after the vultures picked me apart. So before you point that accusatory finger in my direction, remember this: I never asked for it. I never gave the wrong signals. I didn’t deserve all you forced upon me.

And how could I have known better? I was barely old enough to walk, let alone understand what vile things you wanted from me.

If you wouldn’t blame a child, then why blame the teenager for going to a party? Why blame the…

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Permit

Therapy Bits

i do not
permit
you to
inhabit my dreams
you cause me to scream
each night
with fright
bad dreams
of you
and i thik they’ll
come true
but i do not
permit
you to come anywhere
near me ever again
you stole enough from me in childhood
no more
i do not permit
you to
watch me as i flourish
grow
heal
and start to feel
oh, no

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#SORRYNOTSORRY

The Soundtrack of life

I will no longer apologize for my feelings.
I will no longer be afraid to voice my opinions.
I will no longer stand by the sidelines.
I will no longer deny myself happiness.
I will no longer be a target.
I will no longer be silenced.
I will no longer be cast aside.
I will no longer be bullied.
I will no longer feel guilty for speaking truth.

I will do all the things they won’t do for me.
I will love myself.
I will encourage myself.
I will be my support system.
I will build myself up.
I will hold my hand.
I will be my own shoulder to cry on.
I will realize I am enough.
I will find me again.

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The important goal is to achieve peace of mind

Zen Flash

Image may contain: tree, plant, snow, outdoor and nature

In a world where people easily fall under the sway of anger and hatred, we need love, patience, tolerance and contentment. You may have all the physical amenities you need to be comfortable, but if you have no peace of mind, they won’t make you happy. On the other hand if you have peace of mind, you’ll be happy whether you have those amenities or not. The important goal is to achieve peace of mind.

~H.H. Dalai Lama

Tao & Zen Community Forum.

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Women Are Stronger Than Us

The Weird Poet

Women are stronger than us
with bodies and hearts
Resistant from rust
They rock the world by their hands
They rule kingdoms
and empires,
and nations
and kings in castles of sand;
When the clock strikes 12
and when life nears death
The woman defies fate
And under their spells
Man falls prey
For women are stronger than anyone
And those tears they shed are stars
Each shimmering like gold
Like diamonds—
Undaunted
and provocative
that no man could ever resist
For women will always be stronger than us.

#TheWeirdPoet #Nichomachus

Follow me on Instagram: @_theweirdpoet

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Without Consent Sex/Love Making Is Rape

Speaking From Experience

Without consent sex is rape. There are no grey areas. It’s as simple as black and white, day and night or YES and NO.
If a person says ‘s maybe that is not consenting because maybe is not yes. Maybe is the space in which a person is still deciding if they want to make love or have sex and if you invade that space by forcing the person to have sex/make love then you are a rapist.
“Rape is the total invasion and destruction of one person by another person but with help, the victim can and will recover”.
What qualifies me to say this is that I have been there and have lived through the rape and full recovery. Now I have chosen to use my voice to help others to see what has happened to them was rape and wasn’t their fault because rape is the…

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