Share: “Helping a friend that has been sexually assaulted”

The Catalysts for Change

“If your friend was sexually assaulted, she or he may experience the following:

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Anger
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Disturbances in eating and sleeping habits
  • Denial
  • Fear
  • Helplessness
  • Embarrassment
  • Depression
  • Inability to concentrate or relax
  • Resurfacing memories of past abuse

For some, the emotional impact of sexual assault can be immediate and short term. For others the effects can be long lasting. Your friend may find it helpful to talk to a counselor trained to understand and assist survivors of sexual assault.

What you can do:

Believe unconditionally.  People rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Be sure your friend knows how much you support her or him.

Let the survivor control the situation.  Let your friend determine the pace of healing. Help your friend understand the options available, and encourage your friend to keep her or his options open. Most importantly, allow your friend to make her or his own…

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Share: “If You’ve Been Victimized Once, You’re Statistically Likely to Be Raped Again”

Willing to Survive

I came across this bit of information three months after I was raped for a second time:

In a 1999 longitudinal study of 3,000 women, researchers found women who had been victimized before were seven times more likely to be raped again. (Acierno, Resnick, Kilpatrick, Saunders and Best, Jnl. of Anxiety Disorders 13, 6.)

and my first reaction was to think, “WTF?! Do I have some kind of f***ing permanent target on my back or something?”

Target practice (courtesy of GiftsandDec.com)

Maybe. And that makes me scared. I started this blog because I don’t want to be victimized again. I want to recover and be able to look back on myself someday and say, “I beat that S.O.B.!” The idea that I may not be able to avoid self-destruction is my worst nightmare (see why in my post about Fantasia Barrino’s lifestyle).

But I’ll put panic aside for a moment. I don’t know my…

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Share: “How to escape an abusive relationship”

Living with Depression

RC8

Anyone who has never been in an abusive relationship will never understand how difficult it is to leave it.

3 years later when I look back at my abusive relationship I tell myself that if anyone was treating me that way now – I would leave them straight away.

The thing about an abusive relationship is that it does not start with an abuse.  An abuser only attacks his/her victim when the ladder is deep in the relationship and is manipulated so much that the abuse is then believed to be a form of punishment for victim who is not being good enough, not succeeding at making the abuser happy and simply is given another chance to try harder next time.

Slowly but surely the victim will start apologizing for anything and everything the abuser is not happy about and become afraid of the abusive partner.

Afraid to stand up…

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I don’t understand…why is it so hard for people to believe…? I didn’t want sex. And I didn’t want it that night. And I didn’t trust him enough yet. And I especially didn’t want it without a condom. There was no consent for multiple reasons. So I said no and I said stop. And he said, “It’s fine I’ll pull out”, and he shoved it in anyway. And he pounded away. The more frustrated he got about not coming, the more rough he was.

What did I do wrong? Is it so bad that I tried to do something about it? That I reported it? Did I just so terribly inconvenience everyone when they had to make a statement? How can they undeservingly push me further into a world of self-blame?

Abusive relationships in one quote.

“He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid. I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I don’t feel like Nick’s wife. I don’t feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear…”

—Amy Dunn, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn

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A new chapter.

These past few months have brought about various events and developments—some intertwined, some entirely independent—that have caused me to question my self worth in the aspects of appearance, intelligence, maturity, and how others perceive me. While I do enjoy my little, secretive and selective world, this can serve as a small glimpse into it for those who care enough. But like all the writing that I have been doing as of late, this is primarily for me, myself, and I. Times like these can be made at least a little less painful by organizing one’s thoughts and finding ways to cope.

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How To Pinpoint Your #Strengths As A #Writer (And Make The Most Of Them!)

Melanie V. Logan

As a writer, you’re constantly honing your craft—reading widely, seeking feedback, and considering the constructive criticism of others. Part of this process is learning how to recognize your own writing strengths. But it’s not always easy to judge yourself objectively, so Writer’s Relief has put together five ways to recognize the areas in which you truly shine:

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From sadness, to you (poem)

La Petite Fin

I meant to write about my quiet mind,
mere existence, sheltered against the rain
falling only around me, but sadness came
and wrapped its drops inside of me,
all-over through me; you know
I cannot resist to softly drown inside

Sadness and me, we live like one, then,
inside my upside-down world
Fill my mind with flooded deserts, before
we swim into oceans long since dried
And sadness, tell me I need you
Cover me in your soft blue shell
I shrink like Alice, fade me out, then
wear my body like a vacancy sign

Sadness, we, together; I am all alone
So for now, consume me
In tender absence cool my blood
and free me from life’s longing –

But I need you now, in spite of me;
Miles away, I can almost touch –
But mute, I cannot tell you –

I wrap myself up, away from me,

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Friendships Based on Fiction

Free Verse ReVolution

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I originally had a set excerpt schedule for this book. As it grew longer, I wrote more for it, and more people contributed, that schedule grew.

Here is the new schedule, with FOUR excerpts now scheduled prior to October 24th.

Aug 21- “Friendships Based on Fiction”
Sept 11- “Wards”
Sept 30- “The Guilt”
Oct 15-“Mania”

Without further ado, here is the first, “Friendships Based on Fiction”.

***

Feels like all my
friends these days are
fictitious, and ever
since the real ones went on
about
their business,

I’ve chiselled new ones out of
derelict space, akin to giving
beach balls
on desert
islands a Sharpie face.

I’m writing new ones to
take the old ones’ place,
‘til killing them
off when
they weigh me down like
self-medication at
street price.

No filler, all pain
killers and poltergeists.

Spare me sugar and spice,
ramen and rice holds its
own revelations.

I’m…

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The World Needs To Stop With The Hatred 

Thoughts and Views

Why is everyone so consumed by hatred? Everytime that the television or Internet gets turned on, we see so much violence against humanity. Our communities are falling apart because everyone chooses to live in constant contact with fear, causing major issues among each other. We live in an unstable world. Nobody wants to focus on their happiness, on their future. It’s your community that needs attention. I see people destroying properties from the past. History has been disrespected by hate groups. Violence is never going to stop, unless we all show respect for people around us. Help your neighbor in need and stop hating each other.

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